Walking on the Right Path -The Series - Part I

So far the med change has been swell and it feels good to be in therapy again. I am not planning on making this a perminent thing, but we'll see. I am just trying to dear with the "here and now" and not really worry about "the future." I am excited about learning coping skills and developing a plan for dealing with stress. I'm going to start doing some yoga at home I think. I need to make time for daily meditation!

I got a SWEET paycheck today. We can finally finish Christmas shopping now, as the bills are taken care of. WAHOO!

Making somethings for a few people this weekend for Christmas, I can't wait! I love art! Hanging out with my little sister on Saturday, we are going scrapping. That sweetheart called me yesterday and told me that she has something for me for Christmas. (My heart is melting even talking about it!)

Now if I can just quit sleeping all the time I will be golden. I fell asleep at about 8PM, hubster woke me up (to take my nightly meds) and now I felt compelled to blog, and I had to pay a bill online.

Now that is all done, I go to sleepy again.

Hugs and Warm Fuzzies!
A

Music for the day: Panic! At the Disco - A fever you can't sweat out
Mood: exstatic! ;)

Mutation, Evolution, Adaptation

This week has been really hard emotionally! Mondays are ALWAYS long and stressful at work! That's our busiest, because we do not usually work the weekends so a crazy amount of orders needs to be processed in 1 day, Tuesday I took my Acct. class final, which I am thinking I did better than average on that test, I might even get a B-ish type grade on it, instead of the solid C's I have been getting in that class. I should be finding out my grades soon, I did so well in my World Religion class that I didn't have to take the final.

Wednesday my friend got a special screen pass of "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (a twisted, depraved, gross musical-I Loved it!) so we when to the Pladium in B town and saw it, then we travelled over to Comet Burger in Royal Oak for "the perfect food" thier burgers and fries are amazing!

The week took a turn for the worse because I got into a fight with my co-workers and bosses on Thursday, I haven't realized that the meds are not working as they are supposed to. I love my boss Jeff. He is the most compassionate and genuine person I know. He is brutally honest with you too. His opinion is important to me, and we talked about a lot of different things. He told me things that I didn't want to hear, but needed to hear. Things like "you need to find yourself" and "maybe administrative work isn't for you" I am starting therapy again (first appt is on Wednesday with a new Dr. and I would be lying if I said I was not a little nervious.) I know I need this, Kev and I had a lengthy convo last night, which always happens once a semester is over, but there was a lot of things that needed to be cleared up. I am also asking my phych doc to change my meds. I am starting to lose it, literally. I am seeing things that are not there, thinking weird random horrible shit, having night terrors and HORRIBLE headaches again, and I am swinging rapidly between moods. I was not aware it had gotten this bad. I honestly thought I was one small step away from being locked up again on Thursday. Not a good feeling. The ghosts were starting to come out of my subconscience and into my everyday exsistance to bother me. I have been in those hellholes twice, and I do not want to go back EVER again. That is truly hell on Earth my friends. There is no warmth from the staff, you are locked away from your loved ones, and you are faced with people that are MUCH worse off mentally-speaking than you are. You live in a state of contant fear. I thought for sure the first couple of nights that this one particular girl was going to slit my throat in the middle of the night because she liked my glasses. She told me that she was going to kill me to get them, because I would not give them to her willingly, and then 10 minutes later, asked me to sit with her at lunch because we were "friends!" Kev talked to me a little about my "episodes" last night. Freaky is all I will say. You are better off not knowing.

Friday however, was the POLAR (haha I'm so punny!) opposite of Thursday. I was happy, and only surface calm at first, but it permiated my whole being after awhile. Funny thing is, I talked to my mom yesterday, and she said that she never had prayed so hard for me, and my dad too. In the wee hours of the morning before work, when I was sipping my coffee and eating my bagel, I could almost hear them praying as if they were in the same room with me. I had a warm snuggly feeling. Like someone wrapped me in a REALLY soft fuzzy blankie! It felt good. I needed it desperately. Say what you will about religion and prayer, but if it works for someone, who are you to say they are foolish to believe in something more then themselves? Work was good co-workers and bosses were very copassionate and asking how I was and if they could do anything for me.

I have a new mantra now. I got it out of a combo of what my boss told me, and what I am trying to do with my life: "You can't save the world (what I want to do) if you can't save yourself!" (what my boss Jeff told me to do. Be selfish for once, and work on getting myself back to where I need to be!)

Things I am doing to help save myself:

1. Have a Dr. appt to change my meds.
2. Going to talk to someone to find out coping skills for dealing with stress.
3. Writing/blogging for a release.
4. Reading (books and movies are how I escape!)
5. Creating (I have several projects that I want to work on!)
6. Cleaning (the last one you might laugh at but I swear it helps me relieve stress!)
7. Working on a daily meditation practice
8. Working on trying to get into a gym and start working out. (I'm just going to start doing yoga at home for now!)

OK that is all.

What I'm into right now:

Currently Listening to: Franz Ferdinand
Currently Reading: A history of Van Gogh, several Photography books, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and Kushel's Chosen
Currently Feeling: Resolved

What a Good Day!

So totally relaxing and cool day for the most part. Slept in until about noon, got up had a little lunch, worked for about 2 hours, went and did a little Christmas shopping, laughed as my window sheild wiper on the passenger side of my car broke a little, called my friend and asked her to come over to my house instead, so that I didn't have to drive. We had a great dinner at National by my house! Long Live the Hani Sandwich and Chili Cheese Fries! Hit up beaners for some coffee and good conversation. It was so great to see my friend and catch up with her. She had so much stuff to fill me in on, and I had a lot to update her on as well. We did our Christmas gift exchange tonight, as she is going to be in NC with her parents for Christmas, she got me the most kick a$$ presents. She got me a REALLY cute Snow White wallet from HT, and it was filled with ITunes gift cards with free downloadable songs from Starbucks, which was cool. And the most kick a$$ thing was she got me a Coach keyring that is a skull and crossbones. HAHA Yes you know that the world is REALLY coming to an end when COACH puts out something that has skulls and crossbones on it! HAHA! I was listening to Muse earlier, now I have moved onto The Killers! HAHA!!

Poor hubster is working himself to death on a school project, and he is about ready to just call it a day on this particular project I think. Thursday is the end of the semester for us both WAHOO! I have my acct. final on Tuesday.

OK Time to call it a night I think. I got to get up super early for work tomorrow.

Peace!
A

Thus a New Blog is Born....

At the request of a very dear friend, I have created my little corner of the web here. Whew! I am exhausted! I have had nothing but problems trying to get this thing going! The good news is that the flickr.com account is going good, even though I just posted a BUNCH of new pics and I do not see them on my site yet, but whatever.

So tired...I got up really early to take my "Little Sister" and her little sister Mya to the BBBS holiday party today. Not to be mean, but I am LOATHE to drive in Detroit. Not that I am scared or anything, just that it is so confusing to drive down there all the time.

Oh well, we got where we needed to go, the girls got some presents, and we had a good time for the most part. I do not know if Mya will be joining us again on our outings, but that is another story for another time.

Work has been stressful. There are SO many orders that need to be processed, we are actually working weekends now. I talked to my boss today, he would like me to come in tomorrow, and I probably will for a little while anyways.

OK I am literally exhausted, so I am hitting the sack for now.

Peace love and KFC for All!
A